Honorary Intern for Life, Mobbing, and Bystanding

My experience working with Laura Crawshaw and meeting all of the amazing people who are working with her to reduce suffering in the workplace caused by abrasive behavior has been truly wonderful.  In fact, Laura and I have connected so well, I am now an honorary intern for life with the Boss Whispering Institute, an honor I gladly accepted.

I plan to continue as a member of the CACHE steering committee and help with the organizing of next year’s colloquium.  Based on the post-colloquium survey results, a decision has been made to hold it at another university.  Several universities have already offered to host next year’s event, but a final selection has not yet been made.  For myself, I was kind of hoping for something a little more exotic, like Italy or France.  I guess I’ll have to settle for an honorary internship next summer at the boss whispering training in Venice.  I can always hope.

In closing this internship blog, the areas that most interest me regarding bullying and abrasive behavior are the dynamics of mobbing and bystanding.  During the symposium, I heard dreadful stories of mobbing in the workplace.  In fact, those stories helped me recognize a situation in which I had unknowingly been part of a mob, something I never want to be guilty of again.  As for bystanding, I have experienced the fear of being attacked or ostracized for stepping up to speak out against injustice.  My hope is that I will find the strength and compassion needed to help people work through their fear so they can help others.

Boss Whispering and the United Nations

Boss whispering is an amazing process that really works to change the behavior of abrasive individuals.  Because of its effectiveness, Laura Crawshaw is constantly being asked to present her ideas on abrasive behavior to large organizational groups.  One of these groups is the United Nations.  Apparently, abrasive behavior isn’t exclusive to the USA J.

In fact, Laura has been talking behind closed doors with people from the UN about how to harness the collective knowledge of boss whisperers in order to help reduce workplace suffering for those who encounter abrasive individuals as a result of their affiliation with the UN.  Coaching clients might include employees of the UN or perhaps employees of member countries.  It’s still very much up in the air as to what will happen and/or what a collaboration might look like, but I believe the possibilities are endless.  I’m already imagining myself coaching abrasive managers in Northern Ireland and Australia.

Research on Sustainability

Over the past five years, Laura Crawshaw has successfully coached over four hundred abrasive managers and she has trained over one hundred new boss whisperers, many of whom have gone on to successfully coach their own clients.  The question being asked now, however, is how long does it last?  In other words, once an abrasive individual has been successfully coached through the boss whispering method, will they continue to be nonabrasive indefinitely or is there a point at which they could revert back to their old ways?

In the hope of answering this question, Laura has teamed up with an experienced researcher from Australia to develop survey instruments for gathering data from coaches, clients, and sponsor organization regarding the coaching experience, and to collect and analyze the data from the past and going forward.

During the symposium, we spent several hours with the researcher reviewing the first drafts of the surveys and making suggestions for improvement.  It was quite an honor to be part of the beginning of this important research and I look forward to providing data of my own once I start coaching my own abrasive clients.

Consortium on Abrasive Conduct in Higher Education (CACHE)

July 23, 2013

In answering Question #8 – Where Should We Go From Here? – It was decided by the participants that they would continue working together as a group to resolve the problem of abrasive conduct in higher education.  After a long and spirited debate on what to call this new group, agreement was met on the name, “Consortium on Abrasive Conduct in Higher Education,” otherwise referred to as CACHE.

Ideas for ways that CACHE members might stay connected:

·        Dialogue groups
·        Sharing resources
·        Sharing best practices
·        Hold additional colloquiums
·        Forum for Thought Leadership
·        Publish the Colloquium proceedings
·        Linked-In Group
·        Faculty focus groups at each university

A decision was also made to establish a steering committee for CACHE, of which I am a member.  We held our first meeting online on August 8th and our second meeting online on September 6th.  It was fun to be participating in this new endeavor, especially since I was connecting from Northern Ireland. 

Since the Colloquium, a new CACHE Linked-In group was created.  At first, it wasn’t clear whether to make this an open or closed group.  A survey was distributed to all attendees.  As a result of the survey, it was decided to open the Linked-In group.

First Annual Colloquium on Abrasive Conduct in the Academy - Santa Barbara, California

July 22, 2013

It is common knowledge within the walls of higher education that workplace bullying and abrasive behavior are serious problems.  Yet, in spite of this common knowledge, little research has been done to identify the causes and extent of these problems.  Additionally, little is known regarding what solutions have been tried or what have been the outcomes.

In an effort to begin building a knowledge base and reduce suffering in the workplace, this first annual colloquium, organized by boss whisperer Laura Crawshaw, brought together knowledgeable individuals from universities all around the country, all of them experts on bullying and abrasive conduct at the universities where they work.  For two days, these experts worked together diligently to help uncover answers to the following eight questions:

1.    What has been your experience with abrasive conduct in the Academy to date? 

2.    Must we have an absolute definition of workplace bullying before we can address abrasive behavior?

3.    Must we wait until workplace bullying becomes illegal to address it?

4.    How do we set up systems to detect concerns of abrasive conduct?

5.    Once concerns are voiced, how should we respond?

6.    What barriers stand in our way at this time?

7.    What can we do to remove these barriers? 

8.    Where should we go from here?

The discussions, which were led by a variety of professional facilitators, were rich, respectful, and comprehensive in content.  My job was to listen well and take notes during the discussions, later transcribe the information collected on flipcharts and notecards, and combine all of the raw data into a comprehensive list.  Later, using this data, Laura Crawshaw will conduct an analysis and write a full report on the findings.  This report is expected to be ready for review by the participants and published in late November 2013.

The Symposium – Strategies for Working Successfully with HR Departments

June 21, 2013

Many of the attendees had extensive experience working in human resources (HR).  Because of this, they were able to provide a wealth of advice on what coaches can do to establish and maintain good relationships with HR personnel.  Here are some of the suggestions:

·       Co-Partner with the gatekeeper

·       Respect “inside” consultants

·       Build relationships with internal HR people

·       Don’t bypass internal HR people

·       Ask questions and listen

·       Explore and empathize with the suffering and anxieties of HR people

·       Remember that many HR people have been bullied themselves

·       Respect HR’s need for reporting to higher-ups and provide them with helpful documentation

·       Offer to meet with other decision-makers

·       Recognize that HR people live between a rock and hard place – they have the responsibility to protect the organization legally, but have no decision-making authority to do so

·       Follow-up with an informational article via e-mail – this keeps your name in front of them and it gives them something to show others

·       Don’t negotiate the boss whispering process

·       Help HR identify the cost of continually dealing with complaints

·       Help HR people identify and understand their individual TAD issues

The Symposium – What has been working well?

June 21, 2013

As part of an open discussion, the question was asked, “What has been working well?”  One participant described how adding an intervention meeting with all parties before deciding on boss whispering had been helpful in her practice.  She suggested the name, “Joint Intervention Consultation,” which led to the idea of creating a Diagnostic Decision Tree.  During this discussion, I took copious notes.  Afterward, I prepared the “first branches” of the tree and distributed it amongst the attendees.

The basic idea of the decision tree is that it takes into account the fact that there are many choices for doing conflict resolution—i.e. mediation, facilitation, training, coaching, counseling, legal, hybrid—and that there may be a best or better method in specific situations.

Other discussions included boss whispering in a union environment, anti-bullying legislation, and the risk coaches encounter when dealing with these things as part of coaching abrasive managers.  One attendee from Australia led excellent discussions on Australian legislation and risk paradigms for dealing with workplace bullying.

 

The Symposium – Getting Started

June 21, 2013

The Boss Whispering Institute began in 2009 with its first boss whispering training at the Tolovana Inn in Cannon Beach, Oregon.  Now, four years later, at the same location, I had the privilege of gathering with 20+ trained boss whisperers, many of whom attended the first training in 2009, to discuss the future of the Institute.  Attendees came from the U.S. the U.K., Australia, and Canada. 

The purpose of the symposium was to provide a forum for sharing ideas, best practices, and areas of concern, and for charting the Institute’s future.  The symposium was well-facilitated by a team of professional facilitators.  We were seated in a horseshoe format so everyone could see and hear everyone else.  We began by establishing and agreeing to a set of ground rules and guidelines—honesty, fun, respect, punctuality, etc.—which were nicely followed throughout the symposium.

During introductions, we were all asked to share “our highest hopes” for the symposium.  One person’s response was to “stay curious.”  Another attendee hoped that the beginnings of many long term relationships would be formed.  My favorite response was by a woman who I came to admire greatly for a variety of reasons.  She said that she was planning to work on her ability to replace judgment with empathy and was hoping that she would improve in this area during the symposium.  I don’t recall what I said, but it was probably something about remembering to listen more than I talked.  Good news!  I think I was successful.

The TAD Dynamic

At the core of boss whispering is the recognition that human beings use primal fight or flight responses to defend against threats regardless of whether they are real or perceived.  This primal response is understandably necessary in a physical life or death situation, but interestingly, this same response occurs even when a threat is social, economic, or identity based.  This flight or fight theory was first presented by Freud in the early 1900s, and is now being brought back to the forefront by Boss Whispering Institute Founder, Laura Crawshaw. 

During my basic boss whispering training, Laura introduced Freud’s fight or flight theory as, “The TAD Dynamic.”  T.A.D. = Threat, Anxiety, Defense.  She also explained Freud’s belief that human beings have two primary fears: 1) fear of annihilation (loss of life); and 2) fear of abandonment (loss of love).  Freud believed that all human fears could be traced back to these two primary fears.  In her training, Laura uses an experiential style of training to help future boss whisperers deeply feel and understand the TAD Dynamic before introducing them to a third response available to human beings—working through.

Basic Training Completed

This morning, I and ten others completed our basic boss whispering training.  The training method used felt very dialogic--nonjudgmental and nonhierarchical.  It was really nice to be able to bring forward ideas and discuss others' ideas without fear of anyone getting shot down or being ignored.

Several people have asked me what my career plans are once I graduate.  While I have a general idea--interpersonal communication and peace processes--the fact is that I am enjoying not knowing where this educational journey will take me.  For instance, up until April of this year, I had no knowledge of the Boss Whispering Institute.  I am so glad I kept my options open and was available to work with Laura Crawshaw and learn from her about coaching abrasive managers.

Will I pursue boss whispering as a career?  I don't know, but the knowledge I have gained and the connections I have already made have made this an incredibly rewarding experience.  And we haven't even gotten to the really good stuff--the Symposium here in Cannon Beach and the Colloquium next month at UC Santa Barbara.

Find out more about The Boss Whispering Institute at:
www.bosswhispering.com

I am excited that, this evening, I will have the pleasure of meeting a number of practicing boss whisperers.  Then tomorrow and Saturday, I will get to learn from these experienced practitioners as they talk about best practices and challenges for the field of coaching abrasive managers.