The Symposium – Strategies for Working Successfully with HR Departments

June 21, 2013

Many of the attendees had extensive experience working in human resources (HR).  Because of this, they were able to provide a wealth of advice on what coaches can do to establish and maintain good relationships with HR personnel.  Here are some of the suggestions:

·       Co-Partner with the gatekeeper

·       Respect “inside” consultants

·       Build relationships with internal HR people

·       Don’t bypass internal HR people

·       Ask questions and listen

·       Explore and empathize with the suffering and anxieties of HR people

·       Remember that many HR people have been bullied themselves

·       Respect HR’s need for reporting to higher-ups and provide them with helpful documentation

·       Offer to meet with other decision-makers

·       Recognize that HR people live between a rock and hard place – they have the responsibility to protect the organization legally, but have no decision-making authority to do so

·       Follow-up with an informational article via e-mail – this keeps your name in front of them and it gives them something to show others

·       Don’t negotiate the boss whispering process

·       Help HR identify the cost of continually dealing with complaints

·       Help HR people identify and understand their individual TAD issues

The Symposium – What has been working well?

June 21, 2013

As part of an open discussion, the question was asked, “What has been working well?”  One participant described how adding an intervention meeting with all parties before deciding on boss whispering had been helpful in her practice.  She suggested the name, “Joint Intervention Consultation,” which led to the idea of creating a Diagnostic Decision Tree.  During this discussion, I took copious notes.  Afterward, I prepared the “first branches” of the tree and distributed it amongst the attendees.

The basic idea of the decision tree is that it takes into account the fact that there are many choices for doing conflict resolution—i.e. mediation, facilitation, training, coaching, counseling, legal, hybrid—and that there may be a best or better method in specific situations.

Other discussions included boss whispering in a union environment, anti-bullying legislation, and the risk coaches encounter when dealing with these things as part of coaching abrasive managers.  One attendee from Australia led excellent discussions on Australian legislation and risk paradigms for dealing with workplace bullying.

 

The Symposium – Getting Started

June 21, 2013

The Boss Whispering Institute began in 2009 with its first boss whispering training at the Tolovana Inn in Cannon Beach, Oregon.  Now, four years later, at the same location, I had the privilege of gathering with 20+ trained boss whisperers, many of whom attended the first training in 2009, to discuss the future of the Institute.  Attendees came from the U.S. the U.K., Australia, and Canada. 

The purpose of the symposium was to provide a forum for sharing ideas, best practices, and areas of concern, and for charting the Institute’s future.  The symposium was well-facilitated by a team of professional facilitators.  We were seated in a horseshoe format so everyone could see and hear everyone else.  We began by establishing and agreeing to a set of ground rules and guidelines—honesty, fun, respect, punctuality, etc.—which were nicely followed throughout the symposium.

During introductions, we were all asked to share “our highest hopes” for the symposium.  One person’s response was to “stay curious.”  Another attendee hoped that the beginnings of many long term relationships would be formed.  My favorite response was by a woman who I came to admire greatly for a variety of reasons.  She said that she was planning to work on her ability to replace judgment with empathy and was hoping that she would improve in this area during the symposium.  I don’t recall what I said, but it was probably something about remembering to listen more than I talked.  Good news!  I think I was successful.

The TAD Dynamic

At the core of boss whispering is the recognition that human beings use primal fight or flight responses to defend against threats regardless of whether they are real or perceived.  This primal response is understandably necessary in a physical life or death situation, but interestingly, this same response occurs even when a threat is social, economic, or identity based.  This flight or fight theory was first presented by Freud in the early 1900s, and is now being brought back to the forefront by Boss Whispering Institute Founder, Laura Crawshaw. 

During my basic boss whispering training, Laura introduced Freud’s fight or flight theory as, “The TAD Dynamic.”  T.A.D. = Threat, Anxiety, Defense.  She also explained Freud’s belief that human beings have two primary fears: 1) fear of annihilation (loss of life); and 2) fear of abandonment (loss of love).  Freud believed that all human fears could be traced back to these two primary fears.  In her training, Laura uses an experiential style of training to help future boss whisperers deeply feel and understand the TAD Dynamic before introducing them to a third response available to human beings—working through.